Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
