Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
