so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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