My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize