I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Bring me that man meat
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
