I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Even my vagina gasped.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
