The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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