She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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