maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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