if only i could text you this smell
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
