pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
