You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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