he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
