I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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