I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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