The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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