Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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