just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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