Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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