I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
