Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
