no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
