plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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