i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
