i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
