all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
