She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
