I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
