quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
