That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
