I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is classic penis vs brain.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize