What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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