he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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