I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
