they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
