You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i now understand why vodka
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
