DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
