Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
