dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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