hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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