I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize