do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
