i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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