So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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