Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
