Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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