sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
