You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
