That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
