Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
