She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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