last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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