This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
