I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
