there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
