new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
