around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
