so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
