Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
