I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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