On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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