the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
