I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
