all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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