So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
