omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
